Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
