I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
