Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
