oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
