Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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