i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
