It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
