I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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