I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
