I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
