My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
