I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
