Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
