Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
