Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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