4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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