dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
