Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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