apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
