So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
