Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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