but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
