your thong is hanging out like whoa
Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i dont even know how to be here
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
