i already hear my dad disowning me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
