I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
