i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
His nipple licking is glorious
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