FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
