I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
