The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
