i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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