i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
