I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
