she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
