so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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