Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
