maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I need moral support for this bender
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
