I just cut my nipple shaving
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
