i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
