i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
