Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
