yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
