I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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