ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
