I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
