Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
