dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
