I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
