So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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