I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
