I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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